How do you get out of a rut

How do you start to rebuild a life when my head won't even have time for an angel? after everything you have done for me. I am hearing I am in shock. Yeah dead right, don't you agree that I should be allowed love more? so how do you attract it? how do you change beliefs and feel secure enough and good enough to be at least human?
I have been so hurt that I block people out because they have hurt me. Or I feel that bad about myself that I feel I am or was going to attack the angels. I know I wouldn't but I am crying inside. I am crying for a friend to help me out of the dark and into the love again.
I have no way of sharing with anyone how I feel. I just want to be hugged, appreciated and loved. Three basic human rights that I feel frowned upon. I spoke to a counsellor over the phone and they said I had suffered emotional neglect and abuse. I was so numbed to it. If I said yeah to it, I get told of others to stop feeling like a victim and to discount it. So my family are very materialistic and old school, they are closed and in total 3d world if not surprising a 2d world. They give their love through presents. They don't do love, not the way the angels have taught me. They affect me so much. One relative is held bent on discounting every thing you say and they say "you are wrong" you are wrong" so over the time you feel like shit and you get told not to take it personally.
Another relative will not look you in the eye or acknowledge you and they won't allow you to take time to know you. She is very patronising and talks to you like she is a kid.
Third one just likes to take money from you and give it to your brother all the time. IF she ask you to clean up and you do, she returns just to tell you how much it isnot to her standards.
I know you are saying look at the good in them, but I do my best too and I wish someone would build me up. Why do I have to be good if nothing good is coming to me?

I am not even being victim.My point is this, how do you begin to love yourself if all you hear is people telling you to toughen up and igore yourangels they are just you in your head.
This hurts me so much. I want to lighten up. I smile crack jokes to my family just do nothing.

I am here to let go of stuff so sorry if this is something not of your taste.